My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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