my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
