she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
