At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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