dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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