your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
