google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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