If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
