We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
