why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
