I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
