dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
