but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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