So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sext me about skeletons
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
