shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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