This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize