Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My feet surprised me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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