Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
