I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
