Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize