He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
