You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
