better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
