Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
