have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
