he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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