I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
