Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you win again, gameday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
