Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
