8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
