when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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