I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
