My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
