Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
