Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my poor anus
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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