if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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