Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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