Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
