god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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