I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
