I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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