Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
