I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
is it fun? or sober?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
