**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
