dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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