i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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