I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
