My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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