I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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