I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
