I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
