coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
