We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
