My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
