Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
