How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
