He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
