see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
