I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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