I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
