At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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