The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
