lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
