you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
