I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
