Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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