Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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