There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
