Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They took my balls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
