It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
