Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
