This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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