so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize