I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
