i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
