This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
