You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
