Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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