That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
