u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
