I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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