I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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