How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
