it was like his penis was on wheels.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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