i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
