Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
