Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
