The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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