You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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