the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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