Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
